Sunday 02 • 09 • 20

Deeply at our churches that we like to send out our best and if you're at all interested in seeing what is happening with the church plant, it is not too late to participate. They're gathering this Wednesday night at in our ministry center. You could talk to Russell after our service. You can catch him after our service and he's heading out. You can talk to Bapo right there, right by the back door. You can't miss Bapo and talk to him about what's in being involved. And we'd love to have 25 adults and about a dozen kids going at this point. We'd love to see that number go up to 40. And so if you're at all interested, please consider this an invitation.

We're going to turn our attention now to God's word. I ask you to find the scriptures that's printed in your bulletin or look up on the wall behind me. As is our custom, we're going to read this out loud together. So if you'll find that, let's get started. Three, two, one, go.

Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress, it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned. And if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. This is what I mean, brothers. The appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have lives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. The unmarried man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay a snare on you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. Therefore, an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober minded, self controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent, vigilant, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well with all dignity, keeping his children submissive. For if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? This is the word of the Lord. Thanks be to God. — 1 Corinthians 7:25-35

Today, we're closing out what has been a six week series as we have talked about the myths of being single. We've talked about particularly the challenges, the perceptions, the myths of singleness in the church. We've gone through these things. We started off talking about the myth of singleness being weird or being single requiring a supernatural calling and gifting. Being single means no family. Being single means no NC. Being single means wasted sexuality and today, the final myth that I want to cover: being single hinders ministry.

The Christmas Cake Label

As I was studying for this series, I found that in Japan, they have a label for people who are single after the age of 25, and it's this: Christmas cake. Now I know that may not make much sense to you, but here's the thing. In Japan, a staple of Christmas celebrations are not trees or stockings or eggnog, but they have Christmas cake. And you make a Christmas cake like this. It's a sponge cake. It's usually got chocolate sauce on it and fruit stuck in it or candies, and then a Santa Claus stuck on top. And you eat this with your friends or your family on Christmas Eve.

Now, here's how this is turned into a slang term: because a person who is over 25 and single is like Christmas cake eaten after Christmas. It's spoiled. It's past the prime. It's leftovers. You hear the ugliness of that term? I mean, how ridiculous? Who says when a person has passed their prime?

Well, let's think about this with singles. I mean, what? This is so many different people in so many different stages. Who says what age you are when you're past your prime? I mean, Wall Street tycoon, what is that? 45? What is that for a Mississippi sorority girl? 21? Zulu princess? 13? I don't know. Like, it's a foolish idea. This idea that I'm past my prime. I'm leftovers.

Closer to home, I grew up in a big United Methodist Church in East Tennessee that had a thriving adult education program. So it was very common. My parents were part of a Sunday school class. All the Sunday school classes had names and kind of an identity. My parents were part of teammates.

I remember growing up, the one that was for young adults was called "Pears and Spares." Thank you for that response. That's exactly right. What does that imply? Well, we got pairs—those are the married people—and spares. We got spares, you know, like in case of emergency, you might need a single person. But in general, extra, unneeded, extra baggage.

As we close this series and talk about single like Jesus today and about this myth that singleness hinders ministry, I want to challenge the notion that single adults are somehow leftovers in the body of Christ or somehow extras for the church of Jesus Christ. Because as we take this one on, we're gonna find that exactly the opposite is true in this book. Exactly the opposite is true.

So here's my outline if you do take notes. First, a tragic misreading. Second, a prestigious pedigree. And third, stewarding a single status. Let's look at this together.

A Tragic Misreading

As I've said early in the series, it seems like the church does not know what to do with single people. Here's a couple of examples of this.

Often, I think the church in the South in particular has viewed single people as a volunteer resource only. The unspoken assumption is they have nothing better to do. As if you're single, you don't have a spouse, you don't have kids—you must have gobs and gobs of free time and energy and money, right? Like that's what you're good for.

Many churches put the vast majority of their time and resources into two things: Sunday morning and kids ministries. Both are really important. But sometimes that can communicate to people who are unmarried, "50% of what we do doesn't really concern you unless you're a babysitter. That's what you have to contribute." The reality is nothing could be further from the truth. Of course, children's ministry is super important. These are not appendages over here in these rooms to the body of Christ. They're part of our body. And so it's really important, but it's not the most important.

To our point today though, in many churches, you would be hard pressed to ever find a single person in leadership, particularly a pastor. There seems to be this common perception that in a Protestant church anyway, you can't be a pastor if you're single.

In studying for the series, I found that you don't have to search long and hard at all to find stories of people who applied for positions in churches, staff positions, pastoral ministry positions, and once the church found out that this person didn't wear a ring, it was all over with—ghosted.

In fact, I was preparing for this series and I talked to a friend in our church who is engaged with somebody who is on staff. At first, when people were getting to know her, they were kind of distant. But once she became engaged, it was like she was invited into the club. Like, "You're safe, you're part of the married people club." And again, ouch. Where does that come from?

I think it comes from a misreading of the Bible. I really think it comes from a misreading of the second passage that you joined me in reading out loud this morning from First Timothy.

Now, in First Timothy, Paul is giving instructions to this young church planter. "Here's what you're looking for in leadership. This is the profile. These are the characteristics and gifting you're looking for in young leaders." And so First Timothy 3 has all this instruction.

The pastor must be the husband of one wife. — 1 Timothy 3

Now the passage provides some rationale behind that. The church, like a home, is a household. And if a pastor is not good at managing his own household, that's gonna say a lot for how he's gonna do in managing the household of God. That's the direct connection the text makes here. The two—home and church—are sufficiently analogous that the character, gifting, and track record there at one tells you about the other.

A similar rationale comes from Titus 1. Again, Paul writing there to Titus, another church planter. "Here's what you're looking for in your new leaders in your church. A pastor must be someone whose home life supports the credibility of the ministry."

So there are good reasons, and you all might be able to figure these out. What are some good reasons why it might be beneficial to have a pastor who's married or who has kids? Well, that person's able to identify with a lot of people, able to bring that experience, able to speak into those things. And so it's easy to think that an unmarried pastor who's deficient in those areas therefore shouldn't be in ministry.

But let's be honest, there are probably some less than godly reasons why people don't want singles serving in ministry in the church, in other ministry settings, in pastoral ministry. What might those be?

One is a conception we looked at the very first week: being single is weird, there must be something wrong with you. Or as I've talked about, sort of winning the loneliness lottery—that somehow having a spouse is a sign of blessing from God. We've popped both those balloons, right? We've talked about those.

But most churches also—they've never put "if single do not apply," but a lot of churches look at a person who's married as a two-for-one deal. "Hey, we're getting a pastor and we're getting a full-time worker." That's not true and that is not healthy.

But see, that's not even a good reading of these texts. In both of these passages where Paul describes the character traits, the calling, the person who's being called to pastoral ministry, Paul is concerned with commending marital faithfulness and denouncing polygamy rather than ruling out those who are single. Who's writing this? Paul himself is single. Does it make sense that he would say no singleness disqualifies you from ministry?

I mean, if you're gonna apply that and say everybody who's in ministry has to be married, you have to be as literalistic with the rest of this passage. Because in this passage, Paul says things like, "manage his children well." Does that mean a pastor with only one child is disqualified? Or a pastor who's now a widow or widower is disqualified? I'm being a little cheeky on this point. It is not necessarily the case that singleness precludes being able to minister well to other people.

Yes, as a pastor, I draw on some of my experience as a married man and as a dad, and I can counsel out of that. But that is not what I'm called to preach from or minister from, is it? What I'm called to preach from and minister from with authority is not my experience, but this book. This is what I bring. And if you haven't noticed, I speak and I'm called to speak into all kinds of areas in this book that have nothing to do with my experience. Maybe this sermon series is an example of that.

I think this misreading has trickled down into lots of areas in church life in the South to our detriment, to our weakness, and to our poverty. I can tell you over all the years that I've been a pastor—I've been ordained for almost twenty years now—I have yet to serve in a church where there's been a single pastor on staff. I've actually rarely seen that. I've only been in one church that had a single elder. I've never served in a church that had a single deacon. And you'd be hard pressed to find it all over the church. Do we have single community group leaders? Not enough. Do we have single worship leaders? Not often. I mean, we see this all over the place. In fact, the one place that we send singles is overseas. That tells you a lot about how we view missions—send our leftovers.

The net effect is such a loss for the body of Christ. Such a loss. And it is not even close to being biblical. It is not even close.

Biblical Examples of Unmarried Leaders

What we find is actually, if you're single and God is stirring in you desires for ministry, you are in a long line of great people. This is a prestigious pedigree. Let me remind you of some things. Let's go back first to the Bible and then to church history. There are a lot of unmarried leaders in the Bible.

Joseph. Joseph, son of Jacob, the patriarch, was sold into slavery at an early age by his brothers. And Joseph walked a very hard road—first a slave in a household where he famously avoided sexual temptation, then put in prison, and then rising to a heightened position in the Egyptian court—a place where God used him to deliver God's own people from a famine in the promised land. Here's Joseph whose life is marked by unwavering faithfulness to God, but also this: God's unwavering care over Joseph. A tremendous leader.

Naomi and Ruth. We looked at Naomi and Ruth in December. Two widows who find themselves in a place of absolute destitution again in another famine. They make their way back to Naomi's homeland, back to Bethlehem, and Ruth, who's a Moabite with no real reason why she should attach herself to her mother-in-law, does so. And in doing so, seeks out and provides justice for Naomi so that she is cared for in the way that she's supposed to be cared for by society, and saves the genealogical line of Jesus. I mean, what a contribution.

Jeremiah. The Old Testament prophet Jeremiah who was called by God to speak words. He's told, "Nobody's gonna listen to what you have to say, but this is the voice of God." And he's called to a single life.

Jeremiah stands as one of the great voices of the Old Testament. One of the great faithful voices who proclaim God's word and God's judgment against his people. Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego—these four men were all taken captive in the Babylonian exile, taken away from their homeland, castrated against their will and served faithfully in the court of King Nebuchadnezzar in such a way that even Nebuchadnezzar himself acknowledged the supremacy of Daniel's God. I mean, tremendous single men.

Let's go to one more in the Old Testament. Nehemiah was called after the captivity. He comes back to the land of Israel, which was decimated, and as a single man acts with incredible courage to lead God's people in rebuilding the walls around Jerusalem. I mean, incredible leader.

New Testament Examples

Let's go to New Testament here. Anna is an elderly widow who spent her time waiting in the temple in Jerusalem for the coming of the Messiah. And when Mary and Joseph bring infant Jesus to be circumcised in the temple, she recognizes what's going on and her ministry of praise, her ministry of adoration of Jesus resounds through scripture.

John the Baptist—John was always the groom, but never the groom. Right? John was called by God to make way as the greatest prophet in the long line of prophets. And he comes and baptizes Jesus in the Jordan River and is executed by the state as he made way for the coming of Jesus.

Mary, Martha, and Lazarus—three adult singles, two sisters and a brother, who used their home and their wealth to provide a home base for Jesus' itinerant ministry coming out of Bethany.

Paul, the apostle, whose words we read this morning in two different sections. He described being a person who's able to say, "I want to be given completely for God's ministry," and his life reflected that. Here's a man who planted most of the churches in the New Testament, wrote a third of your New Testament, and yet he was a contented single, with lots and lots of friends, lots and lots of ministry partners.

And then finally, Jesus—single like Jesus. Would we rate his ministry effective or not? I think we'd say pretty effective as a single man.

The pages of scripture are filled with single men and women who made incredible sacrifices and promoted the cause of God in this world for his glory and for the good of his people. The same is true in church history. It's all over church history. If you go back over the centuries of the history of the church, it's consistently single people who made a mark for God's work in this world.

This is especially true before the Protestant Reformation. You go back because the church elevated singleness and said, "This is actually the best way, following 1 Corinthians 7 what we just read, to live a life of undistracted ministry for Christ." So you have men like Origen, Augustine, Ambrose, Athanasius, Francis of Assisi, even Martin Luther for a while. You have women like Hilary of Norwich, Hildegard of Bingen, Theresa of Avila, Catherine of Siena—lots more.

But what's really sad is after the Protestant Reformation, you see the pendulum swing the opposite way. Some of that pendulum swing back was helpful. Some of it has been an overcorrection. The reality is after the Protestant Reformation, it is hard to name significant saints who have had an impact for God as single people. And that doesn't reflect what's in the pages of scripture.

Lottie Moon

Let me give you a few examples. Any of you Southern Baptists by background? You may be familiar with this name: Lottie Moon. Lottie Moon was a Southern Baptist missionary with the foreign mission board who spent nearly forty years living and working in China. After graduating from school, she never married. She actually was engaged for a period of time and the man she was engaged to showed his character, and she broke off the engagement.

In 1872, her sister Edmonia went with the foreign mission board to Ting Chao, China. The next year, Lottie joined her sister and she stayed there for thirty-nine years. She taught in schools. She ministered to all kinds of women and children. She spent a lot of time in the interior of China.

But her biggest contribution honestly to the foreign missions movement in this country is that she wrote letters. She wrote all kinds of letters to churches in the United States saying, "Get on board with what God is doing in the world." And this is why, if you grew up Southern Baptist, you know the Lottie Moon annual giving offering you take for missions because of this woman.

Now it's not clear that she set out one day to be a lifelong single person, but she did not view herself as a cursed person either. This is what she said about her singleness. She was asked once if she'd ever been in love and she said, yes. But God had first claim on my life and since the two conflicted there could never be a question about the result. What an amazing woman.

Second, John Stott. John Stott was an Anglican priest and theologian who was kind of the worldwide leader of the evangelical movement. During nearly seventy years as an English cleric, he wrote over 50 books, one of them Basic Christianity, is still a staple of discipleship programs today, authored tons and tons of sermons. He founded in 1974 the Langham Partnership to equip missionaries and the laws and covenant and evangelism manifesto for the church. In November 2004, New York Times columnist David Brooks said this about John Stott: "If Protestants could ever pick their pope, John Stott would be it. He'd be our Pope." In 2005, Time magazine named him one of the 100 most influential people in the world.

Uncle John, as he was called by friends, stayed single the entire time of his life. And the decision to do so was based in his conviction that he could give himself in an undivided way to the work of the Lord. Would Stott have been as effective if he'd been married? No one could say for sure, but I doubt it. This man spent so much time doing all kinds of super involved things like he'd go away for weeks at a time to write a book. He would go on extensive preaching tours. He pastored one of the largest churches in London. He was the chaplain to the queen. Tremendous ministry, a very fulfilled single man, a leader of the church.

Third, Florence Nightingale. Florence Nightingale was one of the most influential women of her time. She's considered one of the real pioneers of public health and the founder of the modern nursing movement. She was working as a nurse for injured British soldiers in the Crimean War and became known as the lady with the lamp or the angel of Crimea for her remarkable compassion. She felt called to a profession of nursing by her faith in Jesus Christ—a direct connection for her. She was actually engaged at one point of her life and her wealthy family was really chagrined by her turning down an equally wealthy suitor. But she lived her life as a single woman, made astonishing accomplishments that saved lots of lives and set the trajectory for nursing. Nobody could say this woman was an appendage to somebody else or she was incomplete or in some way. Tremendous work.

Finally, Sam Albury. Sam Albury currently is an apologist and a pastor. He's a writer for Robbie Zacharias ministries. He's an editor for the Gospel Coalition. He's a pastor based in Maidenhead in the UK. He's authored a bunch of books including the one that I've used as the outline for this series. The thing I love about Sam Albury is if you go on YouTube, he's got about a two minute long video of his story of God's work in his life and you should listen to it because he says, I'm a lifelong same sex attracted man and yet I am viewing celibacy as a way that I'm gonna be faithful to my God and commit myself to follow him. God has used Sam Albury in tremendous ways. He is a single man, happily so, and he is in ministry.

Stewardship and Witness

Why am I going through all this? Because I just want you to see that we need singles in ministry. If God is stirring in you, if God is poking at you, if you're wrestling, we need you. The church of Jesus Christ needs you. The fact that we have so few examples today is extremely problematic.

So, how do you steward your single status? How can you steward your single status for the sake of the gospel? Let me say first, your response to your single status will disciple other people around you and how to think about your life. We train people how to treat us by how we act and how we talk. This may seem really odd, but we do this all the time.

If you talk to your friends as if your single status were somehow a curse from God for something you did when you were younger or a disease that you need to get rid of or a season that you're in that you need to just get through—if you're just killing time as if you view it as a barrier to ministry and you talk about it that way—you know what you're training people to do? Talk about it the same way. They're gonna see you like that. They're gonna view you like that. They're gonna treat you like that.

If you permit your single status to define you, it will.

If you're not confident of who you are in Christ as a beloved son of the King of God, as a beloved daughter of King Jesus, if you don't allow those things to define you, then other people are not gonna see you as anything other than unhappy and stuck. Your ministry will be limited by your own limits.

How can you make the most of your status right now? Five things, five applications and I'm done.

First: Avoid Trading Marital Distractions for Other Distractions

Paul said in that passage in 1 Corinthians 7 that a married person—a man or woman—is distracted by lots of things, lots of worldly things. And lots of married people say, "Uh-huh, that's exactly right."

But the reality is we live in a very distractible moment in history. This is the era of the iPad, the iPod, the iPhone, the "I want." We are just surrounded by things to distract ourselves with. We're the most plugged in, looking at screens people ever. And therefore, it is easy to center your life around lots of things that we can call rest—things like SportsCenter and Downton Abbey and blogging and playing video games and eating really nice, high-end food, music, surveying social media, conquering the latest game. Those are good things, but those are easy to become the things that, while we call them rest, they sound and they taste and smell and feel a lot like wasting time.

If you're single, it actually could be doing more than wasting time. It could be wasting your single status. Paige Benton Brown, in an article she wrote about her single status, warns of this danger. She says, "Singleness can be a mere euphemism for selfishness, for self-absorption. Now is you time. No wife to support? No husband to pamper? Well, then by all means join three different golf courses, get a weekly pedicure, raise emus, subscribe to People Magazine."

And then she challenges: "Singleness is never carte blanche for selfishness. A spouse is not a sufficient countermeasure for self. The gospel is the only antidote for egocentricity for all of us. Christ died, not just to save us from our sins, but to save us from ourselves."

We all have this tendency—distraction, caught up in stuff that doesn't really matter. In the same book where Paul writes these words to us about singleness and marriage, he also wrote this:

Whether you eat or drink, whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God. — 1 Corinthians 10:31

Everything I just talked about—SportsCenter, Downton Abbey, blog reading, blog writing, cooking really good food, gaming—all those things are gifts. They're all good things. They can all be done for God's glory or they can all be done as a distraction from life. I want to ask you to look for ways that Satan is actually undermining your mission with short and simple pleasures. You may not need to eliminate these things, but ask: Are there ways that this thing can become smaller or even be used by God for his glory in my life?

Watching sports? Great gift. It could also be a way that you connect with people and establish a discipleship relationship. Call of Duty? You can either medicate yourself with it or you can connect with other people and develop relationships. What is God calling you to do? How has God given you gifts that you can use?

Second: Say Yes to the Spontaneous

Married people will tell you that if you're single, spontaneity pretty much dies at marriage. Not entirely, but massively does.

Well, one of your great spiritual gifts, if you are single, is your yes. Yes to a random phone conversation. Yes to coffee. Yes to help with a move. Yes to driving. Yes to helping when you're sick. Yes to a late-night movie. Yes to a special downtown event. You have the unbelievable freedom to say yes, where most married people have to say, "I'll check and I'll get back to you on Wednesday."

When a spouse doesn't exist, you're not gonna hurt anybody's feelings by your spontaneity. Be willing to say yes and bless other people even when you don't feel like it.

Third: Practice Selflessness

In Philippians 2, Paul tells the church:

Do nothing from selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. — Philippians 2:3-4

So here's what I want to challenge you: Think of a couple of people—single or married—that you can lay down your single life for. Nobody's gonna expect it out of you except for the Lord who says, "Look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others." Be mindful of the needs of others.

I mean, you have energy and time and money and gifts. Use them, regardless of your paycheck or your work status right now. You have been given much—figure out ways to give that away generously.

Four, do radical time-consuming things from God. Just as you're free to say yes in a way that married people are not, you have spontaneity. You also have the ability to get involved in things that are complicated, that take a lot more, that require more than the average married person can afford to give.

So here's my challenge: dream big. Dream costly dreams. Start a ministry group. Start a prayer group. Go on a mission trip. Try some things for the sake of the Lord. Get together with other people and pray together about this and talk about this and plan. How could we do something that actually is going to move the needle in Raleigh, North Carolina? What would that look like?

I'm not saying be reckless, but be more radical than you are right now. Take some risks. My perception is that most unmarried believers can afford to give or do more than we're doing right now. That's true for married people too.

Finally, being single isn't a diseased state. Can I say that over and over again? It's not a diseased state—it can be a desired state. Know what God has called you to do and feel some freedom to take some steps. Worry less about your relationship status and more about the kingdom of God and what you can do about this.

You remember his promise to you? His promise to you is so powerful:

...to supply all your needs according to his riches in Christ Jesus — Philippians 4:19

I want you to challenge him on that. Sue him on that. Take him at his word.

A Word to the Church

As we draw near to the end of this series, I just want to say a couple of things very personally as one of the pastors in this congregation.

First, I want to correct the perception that this church is a family church or a married people church. Yes, we have lots of those kinds of households. But do you know something? There's an email going out this afternoon to anybody in this church who's single. I went through our database and got all those names and got them all on email. This afternoon, 153 people who are single and over 18 at CTK are getting an email, an invitation to tomorrow night's gathering. That's a lot more people than we had when I first came. That is not an insignificant minority in our church. This is not a married people church. This is a church for marrieds and singles, and we are the family of God together.

Second, my heart in doing this series is to tell the truth. There are a lot of myths out there, and that's why we've been knocking these down every week. Let's tell the truth:

Being single is not weird. Being single doesn't require a superpower to endure it. Being single doesn't mean you don't have a family—you have a family. Being single doesn't mean you can have no intimacy. There's an invitation here. Being single doesn't mean your sexuality is wasted in this life. And being single is not a hindrance to ministry. Those are the things that are so important.

Singles are absolutely needed in our church. We are so glad that you are here. My hope in this series is that if you are single, you have felt seen and you have felt known. I probably haven't preached all this perfectly, but I hope that you have felt seen and known and wanted and valued in this church. My prayer is that your gifts here will be deployed for the kingdom, that your gifts will be used, and that you who are single, like Jesus, will walk in that status with your head held high, with joy and with purpose. Amen?

Prayer

Let's pray together. Lord, we thank you that you have called all of us—married, single—that we need the blood of Jesus in our life. We need rescue. We thank you that not only do we need rescue, but we need purpose. We thank you that you've given us the Holy Spirit, the comforter, who's with us.

We thank you that you've given us the kingdom. You've called us to be kingdom citizens and to have eyes for nothing else. Lord, we pray that you would help us more and more to have confidence in who we are and what we're here on this planet for, with our eyes always fixed to the eternal destination where we're going.

We pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen.