There's No App for Speaking Well

Can you find James chapter 4, verses 11 and 12 in your Bible? That's page 1073. If you want one of those in the pew rack in front of you, or you can look on your bulletin. We're gonna read from James 4, just two verses this morning. So if you turn to that and raise your voices with mine as we read James 4:11-12 together.

Don't criticize one another, brothers and sisters. Anyone who defames or judges a fellow believer defames and judges the law. If you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is one lawgiver and judge who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor? — James 4:11-12

This is the word of the Lord. Thanks be to God.

In 2015, there's a really famous Reddit story. A Reddit user named r_bradbury1920 posted that they were freaked out because all around their apartment—and this person lived by themselves—they started finding post-it notes in somebody else's handwriting. Inside the cabinet. Inside the fridge. In the bathroom. Somebody else's handwriting. And there were things like reminders about errands that only they knew about, or reminders of things to call that only they knew about. This person got really freaked out, even installed a webcam for a while. Nothing came up on it. Finally they posted on Reddit and asked, "Does anybody know what this is? Could this be my landlord? I don't know what to do."

Lots of replies came back, but one of them said, "Check your carbon monoxide level." So they bought a carbon monoxide meter and plugged it in and it immediately went off. The carbon monoxide levels were crazy. It turns out the person's handwriting writing the notes was themselves. It was r_bradbury1920.

Now, this isn't a PSA to go get a carbon monoxide meter in your house, but it's not a bad idea. I want to use this to think about how churches are susceptible to an invisible poison that we don't detect. It can hide behind prayer requests and concerns. It could be in our conversations. It disguises itself as something spiritual a lot of times. It even could seem justified. But this morning, as we read this passage, it's like the writer of James brought a little meter in and plugged it in and it just started beeping and going off in the congregation. What is this carbon monoxide of community?

The "One Another" Passages

This morning we're looking at one series of "one anothering" statements in the Bible. There are 59 separate one another passages. Things like love one another, bear one another's burdens, honor one another. All these passages—I could preach on these every week for an entire year—because they all have to do with community life and how we relate to one another. We call this series "There's No App for That," because all of these require a personal investment in one another. They require skin in the game in our relationships—time and engagement—and things that maybe we're reluctant to do. But there's no simple solution to those things. It requires us to invest.

And today we're looking at the only one on this whole list that is negative. The only one that says do not do something. And it's right here in verse 11: "Do not criticize one another, brothers and sisters." Literally, in the original language, it says "do not speak against one another."

So what does that mean? There are a few examples I can give. One of them has already been interpreted for you by this version—it says don't criticize. It takes "speak against" and interprets that as criticize. You know what criticism is. Criticism is when you find a little deficiency, a character problem in another person, and it's like you took a picture of that and made that their profile picture on your phone. You're like, "That's who they are. That's a good summary of who they are. That's what they're like." But there's a lot of other things that speaking against can be.

Let's go down the list. Slander. Slander is speaking against another person with false speech. I've heard somebody describe the difference between flattery and slander this way: Flattery are untrue things that you would say to a person's face you'd never say behind their back. Where slander is untrue things that you'd say behind a person's back you'd never say to their face. Does that make sense?

Gossip.

Gossip's kind of the opposite of slander where if slander is about false things that are passed on, gossip is about true things that are passed on but didn't need to be shared. You ever heard the joke about the four preachers going away on a pastor retreat? They go and they decide they're gonna have some confession time. And so they take turns and the first one says, well, if I'm being honest, there's some movies I probably shouldn't watch that I like to watch. The guys are like, okay, yeah. And the second one says, well, if I'm honest, every once in a while I like to have a cigarette. They're like, okay, yeah, that's bad too. Third one says, well, every once in a while I go out of town to the casino and I gamble for a weekend. That's rough. What about you? And the fourth one says, well, my standard is gossip and I can't wait to get out of here.

So criticism, slander, gossip, snark. Snark is that tone that we have where, in political language and on the Internet, it's about tearing down another person's reputation. It's laughing as you are making that person diminished and small. Scoffing or mockery. If you read the book of Proverbs, this is all over the book of Proverbs. Seventeen times in Proverbs, it talks about the scoffer or the mocker. And what's interesting is that the scoffer, the mocker always has a closed mind. This is what you see in Proverbs. The scoffer never says, hey, I could be wrong or maybe I had the wrong information. Maybe I didn't have the whole story. The scoffer always is right.

That's a lot of list. We could keep going. Ridicule, character assassination, subtle undermining, sarcasm. You can come up with a lot of these. Well, let's just make this category: any speech speaking against is any speech that damages the reputation of another image bearer. It damages the reputation. It's words that are false. It can be words that are true. But it's words that don't need to be said.

Now before I go on, I always have to qualify things. Let me just make sure you know what I'm not saying today. It's a thing in some churches to silence criticism against leaders by saying everything you could say to each other is gossip and slander. That is not what's in view here. I did a sermon back in March called "The Gift of Leadership" where I'm like, hey, it's a right thing for you to analyze the character of those in leadership. So I am not saying this to shut down questions or concerns that the congregation has about its pastors. That's okay. But there's a way that speech can be used against a pastor or leadership that's tearing down without giving anybody an opportunity to defend themselves either. So that's what's in view here.

How Speaking Against Changes Community

So here's where we're going this morning. We're gonna look at this carbon monoxide of community, and I want to look how it changes a couple things. How it changes first, siblings into judges. But how the gospel changes judges into siblings. And then I want to end up with how are we going to speak well? How are we going to be a church that speaks well about one another? I want to give a couple of nods to friends whose material has influenced this. I listened to last summer a friend, Walter Hiniger in Atlanta, and a good friend, Brian Habig in South Carolina.

So how does the carbon monoxide of community, speaking against, turn siblings into judges? Well, think about this with me. Notice how James, when he writes this, situates the speaking against in the life of a church community. What did he call them? The very first line there. Brothers and sisters. Right. That's family language. He's saying you're siblings with one another and yet you're speaking against one another. And this judging turns those who you are connected to vitally—we talked about that last week—you're vitally connected by Jesus, by his resurrection, by his indwelling spirit and it turns those relationships into judging relationships.

And you know, while I'd say this is a poison, I want to remind you that there's something about this that's kind of yummy. Right? Why do I say that? Because judging tastes good. It tastes like righteousness. Tim Keller put it this way: gossip is like confession without any repentance. You're confessing other people's problems though, which is yummy, right? It gives you the thrill of secret knowledge. It gives you the pleasure of shared outrage. Can you believe it? Right? It gives you the rush of belonging. We know this. It gives you the illusion of moral clarity. I can see what you don't. Right? But James says it's poison. Now it may be a yummy poison, but it's poison nonetheless.

Speaking against turns siblings into judges. It says here, James says the one who speaks against his brother judges his brother. It's a key word: judge. Because not only are you passing on information, you're passing on what does a judge render?

Slam the gavel down? A verdict. You're saying, "I know. I have assessed the situation and here's what's really going on. I know their motives. I know what really happened and I know what should happen to them."

Now here's what's fascinating to me: James doesn't stop. Most people would say, "Yeah, judging other people, gossiping about them—not great. That's harmful in your relationships." But James doesn't stop there. He doesn't say, "Hey, when you're gossiping, when you're speaking against someone, you're just speaking against that person." He says, "You're judging God's law." Did you catch that? Anybody else think that's weird? Why would he say we're judging God's law?

I will confess publicly. So if I was in that pastor's group earlier, here's what would be my confession just so you all know. I like to drive too fast. My right foot is twice as heavy as my left foot. And I have a really sweet Subaru Impreza with a boxer engine. It has low-end torque, very tight suspension, and it corners really well. And I like to drive way too fast around Raleigh. So if you see a red Subaru Impreza, yes, that's me. I'm confessing this, and I'll help you find another church later if this bothers you.

But if I get pulled over by an officer this afternoon, I'm gonna be like, "Guilty. I know. I know. I like to drive fast."

Now I had a friend years ago in Philly who also liked to drive fast, but he had a different angle on it. He was like, "You know, if I get pulled over, I'm just gonna tell the officer that the speed limit's wrong." How do you think that worked out for him? You know any officer in the whole country? He'd be pulling out the pen to write the ticket, and the guy's saying, "Really, it should be a 55, not a 35." And the officer's like, "You're right. Let me put this back and go fix the sign. Thank you. All the traffic engineers were wrong. You're right."

Now why would they never do that? Because you're judging the law. The law's wrong. I'm right.

This is what happens when we turn into judges against our siblings. We're actually critiquing not just that person but God's law. The law that says, "Love your neighbor as yourself. Seek their thriving. Protect their good name. Love them. Speak well of them. Hope for them. Seek their best. Strive for their flourishing."

When we judge our neighbors, this is what we're saying: "That's a dumb law, God. That whole 'love your neighbor as yourself' obviously doesn't apply to idiots. Nobody awake this morning identifies with this. We judge." We're actually saying, "That didn't apply to me and it didn't apply to them. I'm above it. They're below it. And it doesn't matter."

This is what we're doing. We're climbing up into the judge's bench. And this is what verse 12 tells us:

There is only one lawgiver and judge. — James 4:12

God doesn't really need your help. He's got the job covered. He's good.

Why We Judge

Why do we do this? I mean, you know why we do this. It's not because it's just yummy. It makes us feel powerful. It makes us feel better about ourselves. When I feel powerless, gossip restores my sense of control. When I feel insecure, slander gives me superiority. When I feel hurt, criticism gives me some revenge.

James says that's not just a talking problem. That's a heart problem. That's a worship problem.

But the good news is that the gospel can turn judges into siblings again. James says:

Do not speak evil against each other, brothers and sisters. — James 4:11

He's reminding us, "Hey, this is your family we're talking about here. Your fam. These people are connected to you. Jesus has made us family."

And you may look around this room—I said this the last couple of weeks—and you may be like, "Really?" But you know, just like your family of origin, you don't get to choose your family. You're related to people like, "How are we connected?" Jesus' blood. That's how you're connected. By the Holy Spirit. You may look around and be like, "These people?" Yes. These people.

Jesus looks at them and says, "I am not ashamed." This is what we read in Hebrews:

I am not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters. — Hebrews 2:11

Neither should you be. He calls us family.

Now how does he do that? I want you to pay attention to this. This is maybe the most important thing I'm gonna say today.

Jesus calls his family by refusing to do what we do. Isaiah 53. The early church grabbed onto this very quickly. They read in Isaiah 53 a behind-the-scenes expose of what was going on for Jesus when he went to the cross. And this is what it says:

He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth. Like a lamb led to the slaughter, like a sheep before her shearers, he did not open his mouth. — Isaiah 53:7

So get this. Can we retell the crucifixion story this way? Jesus was slandered and he kept quiet. He was gossiped about and he kept his mouth shut. All kinds of horrible things were said about him.

He was misunderstood. He was mocked. He was lied about. He was publicly shamed. All the things that we're afraid of. And what did Jesus say? Nothing. He said nothing. He absorbed all the wrong. Why? To save slanderers like me and gossips like us. And those who mock at the cross, Jesus took all of our sin into himself. All of the ways we speak against, all of the sins with our mouths. The ways that our speech doesn't tell the truth about Jesus and about our siblings. And he took it all into himself so that we could be forgiven. But even better, so that our language can change.

See, God is not just satisfied with our forgiveness. He loves forgiving sinners. And that's incredible news. I hope you hear that no matter what you're standing in today. God loves to forgive sinners, but he also loves to change sinners. And there's something about people who begin to take the gospel into ourselves and look at Jesus who was silent before his critics and scoffers, and let that undo some things in us.

So here are a couple of suggestions to you this morning. When you remember the gospel, you have those moments where you're right in the middle about to say something and you remember the gospel. You remember, I don't need to judge other people to feel better. Jesus was judged for me. When you remember the gospel, you're right about to pass that on. You remember, you don't need to condemn other people. Jesus was condemned for you.

When you're feeling insecure, and boy, don't we all know this feeling, around people who we think are all better than me. And a little something I can add to this conversation would sure help my capital with this crowd. We remember I have the best seat in the house. I am at Jesus's table. I'm invited to the table of the king of the universe. There is no better compliment that can be said over my life. What else do I want?

There was an art installation several years ago in London. It's called the Tree of Life. It's a massive metallic structure. Four artists from Mozambique built this tree in the wake of a genocide and civil war in Mozambique where an enormous amount of population, over a million people, had died. They didn't know what to do with the weapons that were left over. And so they decommissioned these weapons and allowed these artists to come get them.

The close-up shows K-47s and grenade launchers and pistols welded together. They're all welded together. And the message of the Tree of Life is clear: out of instruments of death comes the creation of life. And isn't that what the gospel tells us? Isn't this our hope? This is the message of the sculpture, and this is the message of this passage. God takes weapons of destruction, including my own tongue, your own tongue, and he can take our speech and turn it into something beautiful and life-giving.

How to Speak Well in Community

For every one of the negative commands of scripture, there's a positive. When you read the Ten Commandments, you can read them both ways. Don't murder means give life. Don't steal means bless your neighbor. So there's an old group of Presbyterians from the 1600s who wrote a document where they outlined what it means not to speak against one of our brothers and sisters. This is what a community that speaks well of one another looks like:

Preserving and promoting of truth between one another and the good name of our neighbor as well as our own. A charitable esteem of our neighbors, loving, desiring, rejoicing in their good name, sorrowing for and covering over their infirmities, freely acknowledging of their gifts and graces, defending their innocency, readily receiving of a good report, an unwillingness to admit of an evil report concerning them, discouraging tale bearers, flatterers, slanderers, study and practicing of whatsoever things are true, honest, lovely, and of good report.

Man, wouldn't you like to be part of that church? What would it be like to be in a community that so honored one another's name and were so kind and generous with our speech? Can you imagine? I think it would feel like heaven. That's what the church is supposed to be. And I pray, may CTK become this—how we speak well in community.

I'm going to give you five applications of how to speak well, and then one of how to put out the fire.

Number one: Did the person who shared this information with me ask me to keep it a secret?

Now the reality is that when people tell you something about themselves, you should assume it's a secret unless they tell you it's not. In fact, we do this thing where we're like, "Hey, keep this to yourself," which means I'm going to tell you a secret but pretend like it's not a secret. I know it's a secret, but I'm going to tell you anyway. But keep it to yourself because if I do that, if I say a little clause, we're all good. We're all covered in the secret clause. That's a joke too, right?

Five Questions Before You Speak

So keep it a secret. Number two: Am I willing and able to share these things directly with the person I'm talking about? If it's not about you or for you, it's not your business, in other words.

Maybe another question is: Is this my story to tell? I can't tell you how many stories I know of young couples who want to share the birth announcement of their first baby and somebody kind of leaks it. And it's not that it undoes the baby, but it undoes a little bit of the joy, right?

Number three: What's my intention? Is my intention to hurt this person or is my intention to warn others in love? I think of the acronym THINK. Some of you parents have used this with your kids. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary? Is it kind?

Number four: What's the likely impact of sharing this information? Right now we're in an age where people just sort of automatically share things. That's what we do with social media—we just put it on the web. But shouldn't we ask a couple of questions always? Does this information need to be shared? How is this going to affect other people? Do I have all the info? I'm not sure I have all the info.

Number five: Do I have a redemptive reason to share this information at all? Now I'm using the word "redemptive" there on purpose because I know that there are complicated situations in your life where you're like, "I need help knowing what to do. I need to be able to consult somebody and ask them to help me puzzle this out." Now that's appropriate. That's a redemptive reason.

But here's the question: Do you need to ask twelve people or would one or two be helpful? And do you need to use names or could you just say "a person"? Could you share it in such a way that it actually protects the identity of that person? That's a redemptive way of getting input from somebody else.

Diffusing Gossip

Finally, how do you diffuse speaking against when you hear it? Now maybe I watched too many Bugs Bunny cartoons when I was a kid with Yosemite Sam, but this is what always happens. There's a big barrel full of dynamite and there's a little trail of gunpowder that's going across, and somebody lights the fuse and it's making its way, and we all know that Bugs Bunny is about to blow up Yosemite Sam. That's what always happens.

But this is what happens when we hear someone speaking against—criticism, gossip, slander. Are we people who pour kerosene on it or pour water on it? Kerosene is like this: "Really? What else happened? I knew something was off. I've been knowing that whole time, right?" Water is like: "Hey, I think we ought to stop and pray for this person. Yeah, really. That would shut some things down. Hey, do you have all the information on that? I don't know if I feel comfortable talking about this right now. It's about me, not you. I don't know if I feel comfortable."

Listen to what Proverbs says about how we use our tongues:

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver. The soothing tongue is a tree of life. A perverse tongue crushes the spirit. An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. The lips of the righteous nourish many. — Proverbs 16

Over and over in the Bible, our words have the power of poison or of creating a feast for other people. They have the ability to give life and take it. May we be a people who are so taken with Jesus that our words reflect the way he speaks of us.

In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Would you pray with me? Father, thank you for your word. There's nothing like your word. Lord, help us. We offer up our mouths and our lips and our tongues and our speech to you. Lord, please come and change us. Make us a community that speaks only what is true and upright and loving and kind. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.