Married Like Jesus -- Love and Limits

Starting the first Sunday in June, we will be having two indoor services starting that week and people can also continue to sit outside under the tent. We will have a 9 and 11 starting inside that week, and we also hope to open up our new preschool wing, which is over this part of the building. We have five classrooms there. We're really excited about that. We want to open that up with staffing though, with people who are volunteering in those rooms, and we need your help.

Our little ones are just a vital part of our church. They're not satellites around this Earth. They are part of our church body, and so we're asking if you would be willing to serve on one Sunday in the month of June. We would love it if you would sign up for that. We're just staffing June right now, so if you're available for any of those classes for the month of June, we take adults and college students and high school students. And if you have kids that can serve with you, they are welcome to do so as well.

You can sign up through our newsletter. There's a link there. You can see Stephanie Massey—she's back there. Raise your hand, Stephanie. Some of you probably don't know Stephanie yet, but you need to get to know her. She will help make sure you know exactly what you're supposed to be doing, and we would really appreciate it if the body would help jump in with this.

This is such a great thing. We've been without meeting together for so long, without our kids being able to be engaged in their classes for so long. It's fun. I just feel like everybody's beginning to take little steps back to normal, or whatever that's going to look like now. This is one of those things. So we ask you to be able to help us out with that.

Mother's Day and the Sermon Series

Mother's Day is really an opportunity for us to honor women—those women, mothers or not, who have influenced us and whose lives have marked us and changed us. We do want to honor women in our congregation who have acted in that way in the lives of others.

We also recognize that this is a day that is painful for some, and I just want to acknowledge that. There's sometimes a lot of pain associated with Mother's Day. I never preach a Mother's Day sermon. I've never done it. I do love Mother's Day. I have a wife who very much deserves a big Mother's Day, but I've made it a habit of keeping going through the series we're going. One time I preached on Satan on Mother's Day. That didn't go over so well.

But we are continuing our series in Ephesians on marriage. The title of the series is "Married Like Jesus." As I said at the very beginning, out of all these sermons, really only one of these is focused particularly on marriage, and that's going to be next Sunday. The rest of these really have to do with our relationships. When God unites us to himself through the blood of Jesus, he unites us to one another. And yet, relationships with one another are hard. They're difficult. So we need lots of help.

Scripture Reading

We're going again to God's word. We're looking today at Ephesians chapter five. I want to encourage you to turn there in your bulletin. It is our habit to read God's word out loud together. If you'll find Ephesians 5:3-21, we're going to read this aloud together.

But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not be even named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness or coarse joking, which are out of place, but instead, let there be thanksgiving. For be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure or who is covetous—that is an idolater—has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words. For because of these things, the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore, do not associate with them.

One time you were dark, but now you are light in the Lord. Try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible. For anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore, it says, "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. — Ephesians 5:3-16

Therefore, do not be foolish but understand what the will of the lord is and do not get drunk with wine for that is debauchery but be filled with the spirit, addressing one another in psalms, in hymns, in spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to god the father in the name of our lord Jesus Christ. Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. — Ephesians 5:17-21

Father, I pray that the words of my mouth, the meditations of all of our hearts would be pleasing and acceptable in your sight. You are our rock and our fortress and our redeemer. We pray these things in Jesus name. Amen.

Truth in Unexpected Places

So, it's not often that a comedy on TV delivers not just on laughs but also on truth. I was watching this show—some of y'all may be familiar with it. It's called Ted Lasso and it's about an American football coach who's hired by a British soccer league to go coach over across the pond in England. It's full of lots of comedy but I was surprised. This one day I'm watching it and I'm like, I didn't see it coming. This left hook of truth comes and hits me across the face.

There's this scene where two women are talking about what it's like as they've dated football players over years and how that's worked out for them. An older woman named Rebecca and a younger woman named Kiwi are sort of talking about that experience. Rebecca tells the younger one, Kiwi, she talks about the importance of being accountable in a relationship. Kiwi says, "What do you mean?" And this is what Rebecca says: "Well, I mean, everyone makes mistakes, but I was married to a man for twelve years who never once took responsibility for any single one of them."

This kind of works on Kiwi's brain. She's thinking about the guy she's dating who's kind of a playboy. Finally she has an argument with him and breaks up with him. This is what she says: "Being accountable matters, Jamie." And with that, she breaks up with him and walks away.

I was stunned. I'm like, being accountable matters. Being accountable matters. Do you think that's true in relationships? I was shocked by that. I'm like, I bet most Americans didn't see that left hook coming right out of our face. You're supposed to be laughing and you're like, woah, oh, that would hurt, right? Being accountable matters.

Difficult People in Our Lives

You know, this morning, we're looking again at Ephesians five. We're talking about our relationships and let's be honest, relationships are hard for all of us. But let's ask some questions about our difficult relationships this morning. What do you do when the other person is being a jerk and they won't stop being a jerk? What do you do when they don't care? Or what do you do with those issues and patterns in relationship with the spouse or somebody with whom you have a really deep relationship, those habits or patterns that they're unwilling to deal with or change?

Like, what when they say, "Why do you make such a big deal out of everything?" Or they have that tone of voice like, "You spent what?" Those kinds of ways of talking. Or a person who maybe embarrasses you at a party over and over and over again and every time they apologize and say, "I won't do that again" but they do it again. What do you do in those kinds of relationships?

What do you do with difficult people who won't stop being mean or won't listen when you ask them or engage them? You know, this could be your mother who's still telling you what to do when even though you're 40 years old, right? This could be your teenage daughter who's sassing you just about every day. Every family has somebody who's kind of aggressive. Other people sort of tiptoe around like they don't want to get on the bad side, right? Like, we're trying to have the family get together without that person blowing up. Am I the only person who knows what we're talking about here this morning? You gotta help a brother out up here. Come on. There we go. Some hands. That's right. We know what that's like.

Now, what do we do with that? So, here's what we're going to do. We're going to talk about this morning how do we deal with difficult people? And I have three points because I'm Presbyterian, right? You can forgive me for that later. But mutuality, okay? Love and limits and wake up. Okay, that's where we're going this morning.

Mutuality

Mutuality. Look at verse 21. The last verse we read this morning, I know by this point you're probably a little zoned out, but look again at verse 21. Look at what it says here:

Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. — Ephesians 5:21

This is the ideal. This is what a healthy relationship looks like.

Now, next week we're gonna talk about that famous passage in Ephesians 5 about roles for men and women and relationships. Without preaching on that sermon this morning, if we just go to that one passage, it can result in a lot of bad fruit in relationships—a lot of actually controlling behavior in relationships. Verse 21 is absolutely foundational for everything that comes after that.

So we talk about mutuality in relationships. The biblical model for relationships is mutuality. One another. It's like one of those phrases that's all over the New Testament—all these different descriptions of the ways that we are to treat one another. The model for this is that both people in a relationship—whether it's a marriage, a friendship, family relationships—both people should matter. Both people have to matter. You matter and I matter. Both of us.

Any relationship that's long term and non-transactional needs to look like this. Not the person who's the cashier at the grocery store ringing up your groceries—you're off the hook for those kinds. But any relationship that's long term and non-transactional, both you and I have to matter. And there's a problem when that's not the case.

The Trinity as a Model

The model of this comes from the Trinity. Can I draw you a picture this morning? A lot of times people draw a picture of the Trinity as a triangle: Father, Son, Holy Spirit. I want to draw a different picture for you of how the Trinity functions. Let's use F for the Father, S for the Son, and HS for the Holy Spirit.

Let's think about how the members of the Holy Trinity relate to each other. This is from John 16 and John 17, and the fancy theological word—in case you want to impress your friends later—is called Perichoresis. But you don't have to know that.

So here you go. This is the relationship between the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. They're so dynamic. It's like a dance. The Father glorifies the Son. Do you know what the Son does to the Father? He glorifies the Father, right? And the Spirit proceeds from the Father and the Son, and the Holy Spirit glorifies the Son and the Holy Spirit glorifies the Father. It's just like this little dance of inner steps—glorification, edification, mutuality. That's what's going on in eternity past. Do you want to know what was going on? No one was playing PS5, right? This was what was happening. Just enjoyment of one another. This mutuality, this glorifying, this other-giving love, this adorning, this beautifying. It's kind of incredible to think about. God was that happy with himself? Like, this is just all that's going on, and this is the model for what our relationships are supposed to look like. Mutuality. I matter, you matter. I am giving to you and adorning you, and you are giving to me and adorning me. There's this back and forth.

When Mutuality Breaks Down

What happens when that's not the case? When a relationship becomes really difficult because one person can't express an opinion—you know what I'm talking about? One person can't express their emotions. That's not okay. Nobody might say it's not okay, but everybody knows it's not okay. When one person is controlling another person, when somebody can't express what they really think in a relationship, that is dangerous and destructive.

We have an old friend of ours, Darby Strickland. She used to work in youth ministry with me. She's written a whole book about this—what do you do in these kinds of difficult relationships? And she calls it oppression. She says this is a biblical category of oppression in relationships, and it's dangerous when it means one person matters and another person doesn't matter.

Let me give you some statistics this morning. Researchers say that about 25% of long-term relationships—marriages in particular—are marked by that kind of oppression. That's a crazy high number. Let me testify to this too: our elders have seen this over and over. We've seen relationships where one person can't express what they think, and that's not okay. That's not safe, that's not healthy. We want health in our church, in all of our relationships.

But here's the good news this morning. You may be feeling a little heavy. You may be like, "Man, this is not the Mother's Day sermon I signed up for this morning." But let me give you a little hope. There's hope in Scripture that tells us this, and it's just this little picture given in this passage between light and darkness. There is hope over and over in being people who bring things out into the light.

God says there's a life in the light. Look, listen to some of these things in this passage. For one time, you were darkness. This is verse eight but now you're light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light. For the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true. Verse 11, take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness but instead expose them. Verse 13, when anything is exposed by light, it becomes visible. For anything that is visible is light.

There's one room in my house that drives me crazy, and it's our TV room. Our house was built in 1940, so nothing is square and nothing makes sense. Like you would never build a house this way now, right? But our TV room, to get to the light switch, you have to go all the way through the room to the other side of the room. We also have this rug on the floor that's black and white and gray. So at night, picture me shuffling through, trying to find the light switch over there, and the carpet perfectly camouflages PS4 remote controls. My sons love their PS4. We have a minor addiction problem at my household but we're handling it, right? But I'm shuffling across the floor with these camouflaged remote controls and it's dark, and of course I'm going to fall. I fall just about every time at night going into this room.

What's the problem? Things are in the darkness, they're not exposed. When things are exposed in the light, right, this passage says there's health. There's life in that. I'm going to be okay with the light switches on. I wish I could rewire my house but anyway, there's hope in the light.

Now, here's where I want to go this morning. It's like for us, that's true in our relationships too. Let's think really focused here on what does it mean to love someone who actually is difficult and at times even dangerous. What would that look like? How does this picture of light and darkness help us to be able to love people who are difficult to love?

Here's what we see in this passage. Paul's calling us to put off behaviors that have to do with the old way of life that's apart from God and put on behaviors that are part of the new way of life that's with God. I want to look again at verses seven through 12. Listen again:

Do not associate with them. For at one time, you were darkness, now you're light in the Lord. Walk as children of light for the fruit of light is found in all that's good and right and true. Try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness but instead expose them. It is shameful even to speak of the things they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible. For anything that becomes visible is light. — Ephesians 5:7-12

Paul is not talking here about those smaller things in our relationships. Annoying habits, maybe someone who's a mouth breather. The New Testament doesn't tell us what to do with that. We sort of just overlook annoying habits. Personality foibles. Things like that aren't a sin. Or things that are minor issues, insensitivities, small hurts—we're told to overlook such offenses. But Paul's here talking about major, repetitive, destructive patterns. Major, repetitive, destructive patterns. He says sexual immorality, drunkenness, crude talk, filthiness, deceit. He calls them the unfruitful works of darkness.

But the warning here is interesting. Did you listen to this? Verse seven: "Do not become partners with them." Verse 11: "Have nothing to do with the unfruitful works of darkness but instead expose them." I mean, that doesn't sound very nice, does it?

Now, we're all sinners here. I mean, church 101 is that people have a sin problem that God has a solution for. We believe we're sinners and we expect, our elders expect in our church, that there are going to be lifelong things that we're all going to struggle with. Romans seven says, "I don't do the things I want to do, I do the things I don't want to do." There are going to be patterns in all of us, blind spots, areas where we struggle, particular pet sins that are just hard for us to overcome. All of us are going to have those things. So we're not talking here about weakness. We're talking about struggles or about those who are caught in things that they're trying to get out of but can't. We're talking here about something else.

First Thessalonians five is really helpful. It tells us there are categories to different kinds of sinners and how you relate to them.

Paul writes there, he says:

We urge you brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. — 1 Thessalonians 5

He's saying there are those people who are weak, who are really struggling. What do they need? They need help. There are those who are fainthearted, who are getting discouraged. What do they need? Encouragement. But then he says, admonish the idle. Now, that word idle is really interesting. A better translation is disordered or unruly. They're out of order, they're out of control, and there's something about this idleness word means like they don't care. They're actually destructive and they're okay with it.

And what that means is we're talking about someone here in this passage in Ephesians and in other passages in scripture—someone who's unrepentant. So the first question in your difficult relationships is: Is this a person who's repentant or unrepentant? Is this someone who's like, "I do destructive things and I'm trying to change. Please, I'm really struggling"? That person gets grace all day long. But here he's talking about someone who's unrepentant in their destructive relationships.

Looking for Direction, Not Perfection

Nobody in our church is looking for perfection. We're looking for direction. Are sinners moving toward Jesus? But when someone is stuck in a pattern where they're hurting themselves and hurting other people and they're unrepentant, that's something we need to think about.

The next step, what we do with that, is really predicated upon the answer to this question: Are they repenting or not? And we need to actually listen to what God says because in the Southern church, we think nice is the answer to everything. I can be nice enough to you in your destructive patterns and the way you treat me over time, and it'll eventually go away. But in some ways, we're actually off from what scripture says.

Listen to some of these other things about how the church is to handle people in destructive unrepentance:

If a person doesn't work, they shouldn't eat. Have nothing to do with these people. — 2 Thessalonians 3

If a person stirs up division after warning them once, warning them twice, have nothing to do with them. — Titus 3

If your brother sins against you, you go show him his fault. — Matthew 18

This is in the Bible, people. It's not just nice for everything. We don't have one button—nice, nice, nice. There are ways that we need to learn to deal with destructive behavior.

Maybe you're in a relationship where you feel victimized all the time, and you go like, "Well, that's just my mom." No. That actually may be unloving for you to continue allowing that person to stockpile lots and lots of sins against you. That may be uncaring.

I mean, what does an unrepentant person need? This is not a trick question. To repent. Yeah. What does a repentant person need? Encouragement? Patience? You're doing great. Let me help you. Just like Rebecca says in Ted Lasso, accountability matters. Accountability matters.

Setting limits on a relationship may actually be the most loving thing that you can do with a difficult, destructive person.

Four Levels of Rebuke

Let me give you a tool. I'm borrowing this one from Doctor John Cox, who came to speak at our church on marriage and parenting several years ago. He talks about four levels, four steps to dealing with a difficult person in your relationship—four ways that you rebuke the idle, the unruly person.

Here's the first one: Ask them the question. Would you be willing to change X? Would you be willing to stop snapping at me when you talk to me about our kids or our finances? Would you be willing to stop telling stories on me at a party? Would you be willing to stop leaving all the dishes in the sink or all your clothes on the floor? Anybody know that one?

Some of you are like, "That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of, Bradford. Really, a question?" But this isn't that hard. A lot of times in our conflicts with one another, especially in long-term relationships, we assume the other person actually knows what's bugging us. Sometimes you just need to come out and say it: "Would you be willing to stop this destructive behavior?"

Now, when you ask that question, there's a little hook inside that worm, alright? There's a little hook inside there because if that person, when asked the question, "Would you be willing to stop this destructive behavior?" and they say no, it's like, oh. You hold up a mirror, you're like, who's being a jerk now? Right, it sort of reveals like, no, I'm not willing to stop that. But you're giving them the chance. You're giving them the chance to actually speak up and say yes or no. Alright, that's first level.

Second level of dealing with a difficult person: start talking to them about the reality they're creating. The reality they're building in your relationship and actually probably in the universe. I mean, nobody can be a lifelong jerk without kind of creating a trail behind them or a wake. There's lots of broken things probably in that person's life that they're not looking at. And so all you're doing is you're saying like, this is what it's like. And this is the effect of your actions on me.

Cox tells a story about a woman who, over time, as her husband berated her regularly, talked down to her in mean ways, she would say, "I just want you to understand every time you say that, something in me internally pulls away from you." But she's not shouting at him. She's not going for revenge. She's very calm but she's saying there are cause and effect to the way you're treating me over time. It's information. It's not a threat. It's like, "Aunt Sally, you realize you're scolding me like you did when I was four and I'm now 44?" I mean, it's sort of funny but it's like, you see what you're doing? You're holding up a little mirror. You're saying, this is what this is like on this side.

You know, an unrepentant person is actually working with an NC State Fair Fun House mirror. You ever been to the Fun House? You go in and you look at the mirrors and they make you like really tall, really short, really fat, really skinny. God is a mirror maker. One of the ways he designs us in relationship is that our primary relationships help us see ourselves. Some of y'all who are parents, you know, you're like, "Man, I'm having kids? I'm like, oh no, that's what I'm really like." There's something about being in a long term deep relationship with someone else that's like holding up a real mirror. Taking away the fun house mirror and saying, this is what it's really like to be around you. Right, it's not mean. A mirror doesn't nag, does it? Any of you all stand in front of the mirror in the morning and it judges and criticizes you? You may feel that way, but that's your problem, it's not the mirror's problem. The mirror doesn't nag or criticize, it just says this is what is.

The second level here is saying like, this is what is. This is what it's like to be in relationship with you. It's causing me to diminish.

Setting Rules

Third level, if that doesn't work, then you start setting some rules. And a rule here is not getting even. It's not a rule about them, it's a rule about yourself. Hey, if you continue talking to me this way, I can't listen very well, and so I'm going to come back when you're ready to not talk to me that way. It's a rule about me. I can't listen well, so I'm gonna come back later. I don't talk to pointing fingers. I don't talk to inebriated people. You see what you're doing? You're not saying you can't get drunk, you're saying, "I don't talk to inebriated people in my life." You're not saying, "you can't shout at me," you're saying, "I don't talk to pointing fingers. I can't hear you when you talk like this."

John Cox gives a couple of great illustrations to us. He tells about his daughter, who's a freshman in college. She comes home from college and he's like, "Hey, would you mind helping your mom clean up the house?" And she's like, "Oh, you can't tell me what to do anymore." He's like, "Oh." I would have had it out right there, you know. But instead, he's like, "Oh, so you mean you don't want your mother and I to be able to speak into your life for good or bad anymore?" And she's like, "Oh, not sure I want that."

Or he gives an example of a wife who kept bringing up a sin that happened twenty years ago which he had repeatedly repented of to her. And every time something would go wrong, she'd bring it up again, like "this is how you are." And he finally said, "You seem committed to needing me to keep me in the bad boy position. What I want to ask you is to figure out what you need to metabolize your past hurt, and then I'm ready to talk about that again, when you can answer that question." It's again, setting limits in the relationship.

Nobody—and this is true in all our relationships, even with our kids, those are your parents—you can't control anybody. Nobody can control another person. You can, however, do things and set limits that make that person have to deal with their own consequences. You can influence another person.

So this, having nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but instead exposing—all this is doing is exposing. It's just holding up a mirror, saying this is what's happening in our relationship.

Bringing in Another Party

The last level of this, number four, is bringing in another party. This is straight Matthew 18. If your brother sins against you and he won't listen to you when you go show him his fault, you bring somebody else.

Cox tells a story about a wife who, every time they got in the car, the husband would start yelling at her. So she had this idea. She talked to her husband's best friend and said, "Can I just call you?" And he said, "Sure, just call me." So she would ring the number and hold the phone up. The husband sitting there knows either his best friend's going to get a really weird voicemail if he doesn't pick up, or he's going to hear what's going on. She's just helping him to see—bringing another person in to see.

The goal of all this is not shaming, it's not revenge, it's not being mean, it's not getting even. It's an attempt at love that says, I'm going to put up a boundary and put up a mirror that helps you and your destructive behavior actually grow. You need to change. I'm not trying to make it happen on my own. I'm not trying to be mean to you, but I'm having nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness. Instead, I'm exposing them. Just showing you, this is what's going on.

Wake Up

Now, here's the last point here. Wake up.

I know some of you are sitting here this morning thinking, "Ouch, he's talking about me." Like, all of us—because we're sinners, right? We've established that this morning. All of us are sinners. All of us do things that are destructive in our relationships. All of us say things we shouldn't say. Anybody with me on that? Yes. Do things they shouldn't do. Later on, you're thinking, "Why did I do that?" So maybe you're sitting here this morning thinking, "Oh no, Bradford is arming other people in this room for how to deal with my destructive behavior. What's going to go down this afternoon?"

Well, here's the good news. If the Spirit is pricking you, it's not me. If the Spirit is pricking you, even about a fight you had this morning on the way in the car or something earlier that happened this weekend, here's the good news: Step into the light.

Remember the good news of this passage:

For once you were darkness, now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true. — Ephesians 5:8-9

Verse 13:

When anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that is visible is light. — Ephesians 5:13

Here's the good news, and it comes straight out of this passage. Verse 14:

Wake up, sleeper, and rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you. — Ephesians 5:14

You have this opportunity this morning. If the Lord is pricking you this morning about undestructive behavior, ways that you talk to other people or patterns that you have that are destructive in your relationships—good news—you have a chance to move toward Jesus this morning. Every day is a gospel day for us. We never exhaust God's grace. We never outpace His love for us. He never gets done with patience with you. He is always willing to deal with repentant sinners. That is such good news.

Think about all the stuff that's listed in this passage. Crude talk, filthiness, sexual immorality, drunkenness, deceit. Maybe there are destructive forms of behavior that you're thinking, "I know. Stop talking. The Lord is calling you. The Lord is calling you. You can step into the light."

A Final Story

Let me close with another Ted Lasso story. The villain of that soccer show is this woman named Rebecca, and she's the owner of the soccer club. Her whole intent is to actually destroy the soccer club because her ex-husband Rupert—this was the one thing he loved in all the world. And so she is continually doing something two-faced. Outwardly, she hires Ted Lasso. She's like, "He's going to come here and take over the soccer league." Inwardly, she's plotting him to fail. She's like, "This guy's going to ruin it and it's going to get back at my husband." There's this weird dynamic where she's always the smiley boss, but she's really mean and vindictive and revengeful. That's what's going on behind the scenes of the show, and it creates this dynamic.

Over time, Ted Lasso, who's just this yokel from the United States, is kind and engaging and wants to know her. Eventually, this wears her down. And she begins to see not only what she's done to this man—trying to destroy his career, destroy his soccer club, be against everything he's trying to do—but she sees who she's doing this to. Someone who actually has become a friend and she cares about. And this creates this inner tension.

Finally, she realizes she's got to go and confess to him what she's done. After a couple of misfires, she finally shows up and names every way that she sinned against him. And you can see she's bracing for him to lay into her. And what's amazing in the show—this is one of those few moments where you see the gospel on TV—is that he stands up, comes over to her and says, "I forgive you."

And you can see she's like, "Why?" He says, "Divorce is hard. People do crazy things." And he embraces her. That's the moment. There's no explosion, no meltdown, no rift. And he doesn't pretend like it's no big deal. No, it was a big deal. You can see him having to say, "I forgive you." It's such a beautiful picture of her stepping into the light. "I've been so destructive. I've hurt you so much. Will you forgive me?"

This is what God gives to fallen sinners like me, and good news for you too this morning. God invites us into the light. With all the stuff—all the destructiveness, all the ways we hurt other people, all the ways we're selfish, all the ways we don't care except for number one, the things that we've said that were cruel or mean, things we could go back and erase out of history—God has a remedy for that. It's in the blood of his Son, Jesus Christ.

I want to invite you this morning, fellow sinners. The church is filled with sinners. You're in a good place this morning. Not one of us can stand up before a holy God except through Christ. And so I want to invite you to pray with me.

Lord, there's not a person here this morning who can look back on our past, our history, our relationships and feel great about it. We all have words we shouldn't have said and things we shouldn't have done. We're filled with regret, Lord. We're filled with shame. Lord, we thank you that the gospel is true this morning. Lord, help us to wake up and step into the light. Help us, Father, to run away from that shame that really doesn't need to clothe us anymore. Lord, we thank you that you wash us clean and make us new. Lord, we pray for that kind of hope in each person here this morning. We pray this in Christ's name. Amen.