Conflict and Joy - Philippians 4:1-3 • Geoff Bradford

Good morning, CTK. Two things before I launch into the sermon for this morning. First, I want to mention Deanna Johnson. Deanna has been working at CTK for the last two years—the first year as an intern and the second year as a volunteer coordinator. Those were both one-year contract positions, and she's finishing up in June. I just want to express personally my gratitude to Deanna and ask you as a congregation to do so as well. She has worked really hard and been really helpful with our diaconate, with DACS, with helping us mobilize our congregation out into our city. I just want to ask you if you would join me in thanking her for her work.

Second thing I want to mention before I start my sermon today: I know that some of you are watching this recording and will not be joining us for the live service that we're having outside in the field next door to the ministry center. And you may feel a certain loss in that. Maybe you're not coming because you're out of town. Maybe you're not coming because you have health concerns. Maybe you're not coming because it's just too difficult with little kids. But I want to encourage you this morning. Can I remind you that you're still a part of this church? There is no first string, second string in the body of Christ. Just because you're not sitting in the grass with some of the congregation today doesn't mean that you're not a part of this. In fact, I want to encourage you—I'm so glad that you're joining us on video. I think this is such an important thing that the Lord's provided for us to be able to be connected and worship together during this time. This time is not going to last forever. There will be a day that we look back on this. It may be a long and strange road in the next few months still, but I want to encourage you not to lose heart.

So this morning, Philippians 4:1-3. If you want to follow along as I read aloud:

Therefore my brothers whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm thus in the Lord, my beloved. I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women who have labored side by side with me in the gospel, together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers whose names are in the book of life. — Philippians 4:1-3

This is the Word of the Lord. Thanks be to God.

Oil and water don't mix. The concept is demonstrated in any bottle of salad dressing, where the parts between them settle. If you've ever seen oil and vinegar separate in a bottle of salad dressing in your fridge, the parts that were together—when you shake them up—over time settle out and separate from one another. Togetherness doesn't last forever. They go back to their own department. They go back to separate bedrooms. They go back to separate seating places. They go back to separate communities because it is intrinsic to their nature that they won't mix with one another.

Here's my question for us this morning: How will we not be salad dressing as a church? How will we not be salad dressing in our relationships, separating? How can we mix and stay together?

And here we're going to look at this passage in Philippians, this little passage where Paul addresses a problem with oil and vinegar, oil and water—people like us who have tendencies to separate from one another. He's going to address these two women, Euodia and Syntyche, and the church there in Philippi.

So here's my outline for us. If you take notes: two extraordinary women; one all too ordinary problem; and a unity—number three—a unity that is anything but ordinary.

Now, I said these are two extraordinary women. Paul's writing to the baby church there in Philippi, brand new church. And in verse three, he does something that as a pastor, I'm frankly shocked at. I would never dream of doing this. He calls two people out in the congregation by name. You can be confident I will never do this in a sermon at CTK. But he calls them out for arguing with one another, for their disagreement. But even the fact that he does so tells us something about these two women—that they are extraordinary women.

Now, why would I say that? I think that too many pastors in teaching on this, too many Bible teachers in teaching on this, make light of this conflict. I've read a lot of commentaries studying for this series, and it's odd to me the number of commentators who treat this like a cat fight. I hate that phrase. It's demeaning to these two women, Euodia and Syntyche. And yet I would tell you, this is not something they're arguing about that is silly or superficial.

Now, here's how I know that. First, Paul never names his opponents in any of his letters.

If you study his letters, there are many cases where Paul is arguing against a certain group that is there in that particular church in the Galatian letter, or the letter to the Colossians, or here in Philippians, or in Corinthians, but he never names his opponents. Even in chapter three before this, when we looked at this, he called them evildoers, those who mutilate the flesh. So here's the question, why now? Why would he name, call out these two women in the congregation? Why would he name Euodia and Syntyche?

And here's what I think. I think it's because they're dear friends. I think that it's because these are not enemies of his, they're not opponents, they're dear friends. And they're very important people in this church. If you notice, what we read here, the language with which he describes Euodia and Syntyche neatly parallels the same language he uses to describe Clement and Epaphroditus. He says that they had labored side by side with me in the gospel. He calls them coworkers. Earlier in the letter, he referred to Epaphroditus as his coworker. So according to Paul, the ministries of these women, Euodia, Syntyche, were in some ways comparable. They had some kind of contributions that they had made to that church that were of such weight that he names them, and with such honor.

You know, this doesn't necessarily mean that they were officers of the church. There's nothing that suggests here that either of the women held an office like an elder or deacon, and yet their ministry was so significant that he would name them as such, coworkers, laboring side by side with me in the gospel. We believe at CTK that every member has gifts given them by the Holy Spirit to share. Everyone has things to contribute to this church. And this is why we put such an emphasis on every member ministry. Yes, we have officers, elders, and deacons. But we have so many people, so many of you that contribute to the life of this church in such significant ways. You use your gifts, and even though we're a complementarian congregation with regard to how we view gender and how we view that with regard to the biblical offices, we want to say this really loudly and clearly, and I want to say this from this passage, women are essential to CTK.

Women's voices, women's gifts, women exercising leadership, women taking initiative. We believe that women were used by God back then, and women are used today for the advancement of the gospel. Women are leaders in the church. We believe women's voices and gifts are essential to ministry. We desperately need the gifts of over fifty percent. We need women's voices at the table and actually, in the next months, we're going to unveil a plan that was just passed by our elders this past session meeting, this past elders meeting, about a women's leadership team, to ensure that we are being more systemic about how we are utilizing the gifts of women and hearing the voices of women. This is really important, so stay tuned, more to come on that.

Unresolved Conflict

But while these are extraordinary women, what is going on between them, I'm afraid, is all too ordinary. It's all too ordinary, and this is really common with us, unresolved conflict.

I entreat Euodia, and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. — Philippians 4:2

There's some deep conflict, some deep disagreement with them, and it's not that conflict itself is a problem, it's that it's unresolved conflict. It's conflict that hasn't been addressed. It hasn't been worked through. In the Bible, conflict is normal. It's normal. That doesn't always mean that conflict is good. Of course, in conflicts we can say things that are hurtful, we can do actions that deeply wound one another.

You might be asking this: pastor, why would you say that conflict is normal in the Bible? Well, a couple things. One is that we live in a fallen world. We live in a fallen world where even our communication between people who live and work and minister together, it's broken. It doesn't always work right. If you were like the Little Prince and you lived on your own planet somewhere, you wouldn't have any conflict. But life in the world where people work together and live together and communicate with one another, conflict is normal. It's everyday life. I had some conflicts this week. I assume you did as well. This is normal.

But because of the fall, our communication with one another doesn't work. I was talking to one of my sons this week, and he told me about an illustration about how important punctuation is. He said there's this picture in one of his classrooms this year that said, "Placement of a comma can save lives." And you have these two phrases and one of them has a comma and the other one doesn't. So the phrases are, "Let's eat grandma." The first one is, "Let's eat, comma, grandma," which means, hey grandma, come to the table, it's time for dinner.

The second one, let's eat grandma without a comma means grandma is what's for dinner? The phrase at the title top says, using good punctuation saves lives. Placement of a comma saves lives. I know it's a silly example, but if a comma in our written communication can make that much difference, how much of our communication and missing each other in communication is there in our spoken relationships, in our conversations? How many ways are there that we can be misunderstood in a fallen world? It's just normal.

But of course, conflict is also an opportunity for sin. Because of sin in our hearts, we sin in our conflicts. And this can look like a lot of different things. It can look like how we think about the word difference. Differences between people can be the spice of life and can also rub us the wrong way. Differences aren't a problem. It's when we turn the word difference into unacceptable. When we say our differences—the difference between you and me and how you're approaching the situation or thinking about that—that's unacceptable. That's when we go from relating to one another to wanting to fix one another. And that's where conflict happens. What's in our hearts, sin in our hearts, comes out in our conflicts.

Or think about this: because of sin in our hearts, we sin in our conflicts. Sometimes it comes out in mind reading. I have tried all my life to be able to read people's minds. I've never been good at it, and I don't actually know anybody who's a psychic, but it's something we do in our conflicts.

One writer said this: because of sin in our hearts, we sin in our conflicts, and we're like volcanoes. Some of us blow up in anger. We slam doors, we yell, we throw things, we stomp around, we make a big explosion like a volcano. But volcanoes are dangerous and deadly things. The amount of molten lava is dangerous and deadly. The ash that comes from a volcano. Explosive blowing up is destructive. But so is the opposite.

Because of sin in our hearts, we sin in our conflicts. Others of us are like the clam. We clam up, we shut down, we do the silent treatment. I think a lot of Christians actually think that's the nicest way. That's the Christian way to do conflict. We just keep it in. And yet, like a clam—or let me switch my metaphor here—better an oyster. Something's growing inside of us when we clam up, and it's not a pretty pearl. It's things like resentment and bitterness and hatred, and it ends up poisoning ourselves.

Conflict as Opportunity

So conflict is normal. It's an opportunity for sin. An absence of conflict though, isn't always good. You might conclude that if conflict is an opportunity for sin revealing our hearts, maybe it's always bad. No. An absence of conflict can also be bad.

Think about it this way: an absence of conflict between two people can mean simply that there's not enough relationship. There's not much partnership. There's not much working together. Notice here, Paul says these two women, Euodia and Syntyche, were fellow workers. They had gotten close enough with Paul and with one another that they had rubbed each other the wrong way. But it was because they were working together. They were partnering together. When people work closely on something that really matters to both of them, there's always opportunity for conflict. That's okay.

An absence of conflict in your community group, or your marriage, or your church doesn't mean everything's good. It actually means there's probably too much relational distance. You're not working together at anything. You're not partnering in anything. Maybe what you actually need is more partnering, more working together, more life together. Maybe the conflict would actually be a good thing in your community group.

So an absence of conflict may mean that there's just no partnership, there's no relationship. But it also may mean that there's conflict, but one person doesn't know this. That one person is always winning, and the other person is always losing. That the winner has no idea that there's conflict because the loser is always giving in. That's why when couples come to me and they want me to do their wedding, and I talk to them about their relationship, they say, "Well, we've never had conflict." I know that's not true. I know that one of them knows it, and the other one doesn't.

Conflict is normal, but conflict is also always an opportunity. And I think that's what's happening in this letter. Paul is not kicking these people out of the church. There's an invitation here for something better to grow up in the church in Philippi. Conflict is an opportunity. It's always an opportunity for people to communicate. It's always an opportunity for God to be glorified in the way we handle it.

It's always an opportunity for us to serve one another. It's always an opportunity for us to grow to be like Christ. See, conflict is always an opportunity, and what really matters with conflict is not whether it happens or not, but what you do with it. What you do with it. We have no idea what sinful behaviors were coming out with Euodia and Syntyche, but we know this. The sin was in not resolving, not moving to resolve it.

A Unity That Is Anything But Ordinary

So third point here, a unity that is anything but ordinary. Paul has repeated throughout this letter the goal of unity in the church. He said things like this:

Make my joy complete by being of the same mind.

He's called them to self sacrificial service of one another. Unity is such a big deal here. Again, in verse one, he says:

I want you to stand firm in the faith.

And verse two, by doing what? By resolving your conflicts. This is a key mark of a faithful church.

So how do we move from conflict to unity? And the answer is mayonnaise. Yes. I want to talk about mayonnaise, and I don't want your emails or your comments about how you don't like mayonnaise. Just let me use the sermon point. Alright? Mayonnaise doesn't have to be shaken even though it's comprised mostly of oil and lemon. Two things that naturally separate from one another. Why is that? Because mayonnaise contains an emulsifier, an egg.

Chemically, this is what's going on. An emulsifier is something which brings two disparate things together that normally don't want to mix. An emulsifier is able to bring those two entities together. The egg infiltrates both, so they're able to come together as one substance. Church, we have a great emulsifier in the cross of Jesus Christ. The cross of Jesus Christ acts like an emulsifier that can bring people together. It infiltrates my life. It infiltrates your life. It changes us. It causes us to desire things and change in ways that we naturally wouldn't want to do, and it comes and brings us together.

Pass the Mayonnaise

Now, so here's the calling for today. Here's my action point, pass the mayonnaise. That's my point for today. Pass the mayonnaise. Doing the work of reconciliation is not easy. Of course, this passage doesn't give us a full description of how to do that. If you need step by step help on how to resolve conflicts, I did a whole sermon series on this back in 2017. You can go back and read this. Rather what Paul's looking here to is, he's looking for inspiration. He's trying to call them to something.

So Paul shows us two important things for us today. Pass the mayonnaise this way. First, Paul urges both of them to resolve the conflict. Do you see what he said?

I urge Euodia, and I urge Syntyche.

It's not just Euodia's problem. It's not just Syntyche's problem. It's on both of them to solve, to resolve, to deal with this conflict in the relationship. You know that phrase, check yourself before you wreck yourself. Maybe here, a paraphrase would be: suspect yourself before you protect yourself. You know, it's on both of you, make it your business to resolve your conflicts.

Many relational problems—I think most relational problems in our church, in our relationships—would be quickly resolved if we would just follow the simple advice. If we would take the initiative to go and make things right. One common mistake is for a person who feels wronged to go and talk to anybody and everybody else about the problem and get input rather than going first to the person and just seeing if they can work through it.

Making mayonnaise takes work. You don't just dump ingredients into a bowl, you have to mix them. You know what this is? I brought one of these for today. You know what this is? This is a whisk. You have to pull one of these out and beat those eggs. You have to work the disparate parts together to make mayonnaise. And the same way it takes a lot of work for two people to reconcile. It takes a lot of work.

I think a lot of the conflicts that I see that are never dealt with in our church, in many of the marriages in our church, are because we have no biblical practice of conflict resolution. We're just not used to doing it. We're not trying to do it. We're not using the biblical language of repentance and forgiveness. We're not naming specific things that we did wrong and asking for someone to forgive us. We're not dealing with conflict in a direct and one on one immediate way. So much health flows in if we can take this advice, pass the mayonnaise, do the work.

Second, an application for the congregation, pass the mayonnaise. He didn't just say, hey, you guys go work it out. Come on ladies, just bury the hatchet. Obviously, this conflict in Philippians four has gotten so deep that he asks the people in the church. He asked Clement, he asks the church to help them. And sometimes you need help to be able to resolve conflict.

And one of the things that this puts on all of us is Paul is saying every member, every member of the church has a part in developing a culture of forgiveness and reconciliation. Every member of the congregation is to be praying toward and helping us cultivate a culture where reconciliation is happening all the time in our relationships, and forgiveness is offered and relationships are being restored.

You know, we live right now in such a bizarre moment, such a key moment. We're ripe for disagreement, ripe for disunity. But as a church, can I remind you, we have the cross? We have the great emulsifier that God has given us. We have the gospel. We have that emulsifier, which helps us not turn differences into unacceptable. It helps us, it infiltrates us and calls us to change.

So brothers and sisters, here's my call for you this morning. Pass the mayonnaise. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Would you pray with me? Father, we thank you that your word, it doesn't speak just to the high and lofty principles of theology, but to the very places where we live, in our relationships, in our conflicts. Lord, we pray and ask for faith, bold faith to exercise this passage in our lives this week. To take seriously Your call toward unity, to resolve conflicts quickly, to be very quick to initiate with another brother or sister, to access the gospel in our relationships and our community, so that our community becomes a more and more a place of reconciliation.

Father, we long to see this in our personal lives. We long to see this in our city, we long to see this in our nation. Lord, we pray that you would heal us, and you would heal our land. Lord, we pray these things in Jesus name. Amen.